Ask Sue
A Weekly Q&A Column About Professionalism, Etiquette and Problems in the Workplace
by Sue Morem

Dealing with a Negative Supervisor

Dear Sue: I am in a management position and I have a supervisor that is negative and unsupportive. He brings his personal problems to work and doesn’t care about much else. He is affecting the morale of all of us, but I don’t know what to do about it because he is not open to what others have to say and difficult to talk to.

I admit I am nervous about addressing this with him, but I can’t ignore the negative affect he is having on me and on everyone else. Someone has to do something, but I am not sure what we can do. Do you have any recommendations?

- Scared

Sue Says: You may be scared, but you are smart enough to know you need to do something. Working with others who are negative and unsupportive can have an effect on everyone else and often does, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The more time you spend thinking and talking about your supervisor, the more power you give him.

Watch your attitude and conversation because if you focus too much on his shortcomings and allow his behavior to become a problem for you, you run the risk of being just like him! Don’t let his poor performance affect yours—you can be the way you want to be and set an example for your supervisor and others.

While it would be nice if he was more positive and supportive, he isn’t. Telling him how unhappy you are and how ineffective he is isn’t likely to bring out the side of him you’d like to see.

I’m all for talking directly with the people you have a problem with, but you need to be careful when the problem is with the way someone is, rather than about something that person has done. Talking to him about a specific incident or problem you have is one thing; telling him he is the problem is another.

You can try to reach him by befriending him and being supportive of him even though you don’t feel he is supportive of you. Try asking him how he’s doing. You can tell him that you’ve noticed he seems to be more stressed than usual and offer to talk with him and help ease the stress if possible. It’s difficult to know how he will respond, but you won’t know if you don’t try.

Some people are miserable and prefer to stay that way. Others want to reach out, but don’t know how. He may be just as afraid of you as you are of him. Don’t take the things he says or does personally, and don’t allow him to get the best of you.

Work on and improve yourself; learn how to let go of your irritation with others and how to remain positive. You lack the power to change someone else, but can become empowered to change yourself.

Sue Morem is a professional speaker, trainer and syndicated columnist. She is author of the newly released 101 Tips for Graduates and How to Gain the Professional Edge, Second Edition. You can contact her by email at asksue@suemorem.com or visit her web site at http://www.suemorem.com. 

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